Big Rock Beer

Hilarious. Enough said….

News: women will be the death of us….

A senior Iranian cleric says women who wear immodest clothing and behave promiscuously are to blame for earthquakes: “Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes,” Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying.

Damn us women. And here I thought it was God that caused earthquakes….. 

PS. And to my gay friends – thanks for all the typhoons, eh?

http://sexademic.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/evil_woman.jpg

toddlers & tiaras

Has anyone seen TLC’s latest and greatest show called Toddlers and Tiaras? If the combination in the title isn’t enough to make your stomach turn, then I encourage you to watch an episode if you need a good nausea session. These moms are insane. Seriously. If there were any debate about having humans apply for a licence to have children, these women are prime representatives. When you see kids with fake tans, bleached hair with extensions, and more make-up than a drag-queen on Halloween; you know the hairspray fumes have definitely breached the brain. The worst part is these little girls don’t even to want to be there. So I’m sorry psycho-mom, just because you grew up to be a failure, doesn’t mean you turn your girl into a Barbie and vicariously live the dream. And hey, if the girl grows up and decides for herself she wants to enter a pageant, so be-it. But until then, take your haloperidol, deal with your self-esteem issues, and let your kid – be a kid. Le Barf.

Poutine? Magnifique!!

It’s official. The World Poutine Eating Championship will be held in Toronto on May 22^nd, 2010. If you know me, I love my poutine. I would poutine-ize everthing if it were possible, and I often make attempts to do so. Homefries? Can you poutine that? Onion ring poutine? Can I get a side of steak with my poutine? (now offered at the Heart & Crown). I even love poutine so much I refuse to eat it unless they specifically have St. Albert’s cheese curds. Aside from my heart-attack to-be ways, I have mixed feelings about this competition. But for a reason only a Canadian would really understand. No, my concern is not for the implicit degeneration of our society’s pride in eating unhealthy food and the assumed long-term consequences of these actions. No. It’s that the contest is being held in TORONTO. I suppose it is the centre of the universe… but the home of the poutine belongs to Quebec – their single greatest achievement. What makes matters worse, Quebec residents can’t even enter the competition (by Quebec’s own laws – go figure). Either way, I think Canadians finally have a dish, other than Canadian Bacon I suppose, to call our own. Hmm, what about bacon on poutine?  I’m thinking about entering…

‘it’s gonna be a long week’

Natalie Dee

I became a Nurse because I owed the Health Care system.

I just realized how bloody rich I would be if the government didn’t take such a huge chunk of my money. Then I also realized – hmm, I really like my free health care. It has its major problems, sure (don’t get me started on this.. or the allocation of these dollars in general). But with the sheer amount of injuries both my brother and I had growing up – my parents would have had to definitely euthanize us if they had to pay. And seeing how that’s not legal yet, it wouldn’t have been very pretty. Luckily, we’re both surprisingly alive, and will be around to have our annual scar-off competition. (He’s currently winning, btw). I can’t imagine how the Yanks feel on this historic day. Actually, from what I’m listening to, it sounds like the Americans are quite torn on the issue? Really!? Again, I know our system has problems, but I would say health care is something every Canadian values even more than their morning double-double. So I guess when I look at my pay check, rather than throwing up in my mouth and exercising my ‘right’ to complain; I should just be happy that I know I can walk into a hospital – get fixed – and walk out sans bill. The Americans will undoubtedly freak out at tax-time; but next time they break a leg, I think they’ll thank their lucky socialized stars for the pay-cut.

Natalie Dee

And the boys

Angus & Julia Stone… this song is magically delicious. the whole album, c’est bon.

babies & tire irons

 If you’ve been reading, you know I’ve had epidurals injected into my spine for a back injury. If the pain from this is anything like what the preggos get before they pop, I would seriously consider braving a ‘natural’ birth instead (even though I find nothing natural about this whole process, and would prefer to be knocked out with a tire iron).  Anyways, I found this picture and thought it was super pretty. And Weird. Because, what the crap is that giant thing protruding out of her stomach. But still something pretty about it. (Maybe it’s just the tats and bubbles). Then I found the second picture… and it is definitely my favourite.

One day boys …One day.

aviasimone.tumblr.com

Oh No! A Political Post!?

Recently one of my most extremely talented and intelligent writer-friends, along with her also super talented writer-man, were on tour in Ottawa, reading and promoting a new book called Rogue Stimulus: The Stephen Harper Holiday Anthology for a Prorogued Parliament. (Fantastic btw). They read at Parliament Hill, followed by another more intimate reading at Gallery 101. I was super excited to be a part of this. However, when my friend bashfully asked if I would come, as she didn’t know where I stood on the whole proroguement issue, I guess I got my back up. (eeek) So here was my response:

I’m livid our government isn’t technically working. It’s quite contradictory to bring in accountability acts and then not stand accountable to do your fucking job. Yes, Harper needs to be out. But I don’t really see any worthy adversary? (Not in comparison, but in totality). To be honest, I just feel disappointed in the entire thing.

Here’s where people misconstrue my opinion and think I’m some sort of hard-core Harper or Conservative supporter. I simply hate that we pick an action by the specific governing body - in this case proroguement – and then just attack ‘them’ – aka: the Harper Government. We need to fight the ENTIRE INSTITUTION. Every party. We all know the Liberals have prorogued parliament on many occasions before this… so if/when the Liberals get in, what’s not to say they’ll prorogue again as well? The battle should be for federal/law change, making it illegal to prorogue parliament, not just another party-change.

I just don’t see a real CHOICE. As Canadians, we just flip flop between the ‘blue’ & ‘red’ when one or the other fucks up – as they inevitably will. So we’ll have yet another expensive election to change parties, think we’ve done something great (yay us), but just get the same leader under a different name/party.

A politician by any other name will still prick you. (hmm, my attempt at a Shakespeare metaphor.. not bad?)

I should also put out a disclaimer that these are common conversations between her and I – she’s an incredibly insightful person that has constantly opened up my mind to many political issues (for one, the support of the Arts. Major.) I hope I have done the same for her.

Obviously I get a little impassioned about the whole thing as you can see. And I think we all should be. I also get distinctively disturbed by how quick people’s memories are. I remember when Harper was elected; all of a sudden people accused this party of committing us to war, and avoiding the Afghan detainee issue; when this was in fact the action of the Liberal Government. (one of many articles, if interested: http://news.ca.msn.com/top-stories/cbc-article.aspx?cp-documentid=23616157 )  Needless to say, the current party, whoever, must always be responsible to take on the messes that any previous one left behind, and unfortunately, this didn’t happen. So what’s worse? The original mess-makers, the lack-of response from the current party, or US – the people that stand idly by not demanding a change to government as a whole. I’ll say the latter.

But until then, I do strongly support those making ANY effort. The Rouge Stimulus is actually a brilliant book of poetry, not only because of the sheer talent – but because it is a strong gut-reaction. One that so many of us Canadians choose to passively ignore.

Chicken Legs.

 OK. I saw this from Natalie Dee, and couldn’t stop laughing. And then all of a sudden felt this weird twinge of déjà vu. It all came back to me in a flashback to high-school. It was a day like any other, when I walked into Algebra class and sat in my usual spot. As we all started to filter in, I heard a friend call me over to their desk to see something “hilarious”. What was it? Well, it was a drawing of a stick-figure - just like this – penned onto the desk from the class before. The kicker? The drawing had a large arrow pointing to the small-bodied, long-legged stick figure artwork: …with my name attached.

I still don’t know who did it, but clearly you should have copyrighted the masterpiece!